Do's and Don'ts of Solidarity

Nearly everyone knows someone who has struggled with addiction. Either directly or by a friend of a friend, addiction is a rampant issue. For every addict, there is a family that is incomplete and friends that are alone. Both sides just need love and support on their journey toward recovery. The goal in the end is belonging. Here are some do’s and don’ts for loved ones of addicts; what to say and not say, things to avoid and what to do.

Signs

First, here are some of the basic signs of addiction. Maybe your loved one has no idea that they are on the threshold of addiction. Maybe you yourself are on the brink and you had no idea. Click here for more information about these signs. The following are average signs that addicts display:

• Withdrawal symptoms like vomiting, nausea, sleep problems, mood swings, and irritability

• Inability to control the use of something like drugs, alcohol etc.

• Relationship problems like lying, lashing out and difficulties in communication

• Neglecting some important parts of life like hobbies, school, work among other professional and personal commitments

• Weight loss

• Changes in appetite

• Neglecting appearance and hygiene

• Secretive behavior

Do’s…

Now comes the part where we learn what works and what doesn’t. According to Psychcentral, there are 6 stages of recovery that a partner to a sex addict will experience. The first is development. Within the relationships the signs and indicators become more numerous and blatant. The second phase consists of discovery and recognition of the addiction. As a side note, it is important at this step to realize that at this point the addicted person is dependent on their addiction. The third phase is centered around shock, mostly processing the gravity of the situation. The fourth is focused on self-care and turning inwards. The fifth stage is where boundaries are set and kept, and the “stage is set” for lasting growth to take place. The final stage is labeled growth and both members come out of the experience stronger and more committed.

More Do’s - balancing support on both ends.

1. Set Boundaries

2. Practice Self-care

3. Educate yourself

4. Get outside input

5. Consider co-occurring disorders

6. Try immediate rewards

7. Be patient

8. Stay safe

…Don’ts

Don’t use negative emotions like shame, blame, or guilt. This will only make the addicted person become less responsive and more defensive to any suggestions that you make. Don’t ignore the addicted person or their behavior either.

Don’t support their behavior. If you show support for negative behavior, you will be making things easier to continue giving in to the addiction. Don’t join them. This can be the worst thing you can do as no one will be helping the other.

Avoid giving ultimatums. Giving ultimatums doesn’t work at all. In fact, it may even fuel the addiction further. How? Ultimatums that you give are likely to increase stress which in turn increases the desire for the addiction.

Don’t set healthy boundaries you won’t stick with. Only set healthy boundaries that you will be okay with for a lengthy period. Always be the one who makes the rules. If you do that, you will be the one on the driver’s seat controlling things and setting boundaries. But be concise, specific, and clear in a loving way.

Avoid trying to “fix” the addicted person. What they need is support and love. If correction is necessary, find a way to provide it in an encouraging manner.

Don’t lose yourself through it all. And of course, don”t lose hope!